i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
