I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
