I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He told me they were just razor bumps!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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