Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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