his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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