my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize