i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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