Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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