I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
