he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
