she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
