i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
