when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
