Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
