i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
