i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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