guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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