Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
