as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
