if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
