It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
