I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
