found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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