i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
