guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
