Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
