Your tits are I can't wait for
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
