I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
