the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
