I puked a lego.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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