So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize