Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
