come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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