They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
A bitchslap is in order.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
