We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have already put on my inside pants.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize