I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
