Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
