She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
