I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
