Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
