i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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