i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
