I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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