ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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