saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
