..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize