Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
