I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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