My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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