Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
