I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
