Buhtt sex?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
