that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
