next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
