Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
