i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
never play flip cup with pint glasses
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
