I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This house was built for laser tag.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
