Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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