I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize