remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
