Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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