HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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