Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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