yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
