i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
