i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
