Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
