i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
