If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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