I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
