Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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