I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
