Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
