He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
