did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
