omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
