dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
