We're like a lot better than the average bears
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
