Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
