maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I need to stop coming to work sober
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
