She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This is my gift to your gina
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
